MarySue Bashing fic
by bahamut disciple
Summary: This is a story written by two Mary-Sue haters and has the intent to revenge Tolkien’s work and preserve it from the claws and stupidity of those hormonal teenager girls… (full summary inside)


Summary: This is a story written by two Mary-Sue haters and has the intent to revenge Tolkien's work and preserve it from the claws and stupidity of those hormonal teenager girls, so yeah… this is a Mary-Sue bashing party! We tried to write this in a serious matter to expose the major mistakes usually found in a Mary-Sue fiction that failed miserably and the result is this fiction that rolls between seriousness and very twisted imagination and absurdity. Both writers don't have English as mother language so we ask you to have patient with us and our grammar mistakes for which we're sorry right away. Flamers are more than welcome!

Disclaimer: No… we don't own Lord of the Rings, all of it belongs to a great genius of mankind named J. R. R. Tolkien, not "Tolkein" as some thick girls around called him, who is probably kicking in frustration at it's tomb shocked with those pieces of crap called Mary-Sue fictions whose hypothetical "writers" did just for their own fun and outer ego, not even bothering to think twice at the damage they were doing, and with absolutely no respect for this masterpiece that they theoretically _'love…'_. Sadly we don't own any Mary-Sue author in the word either, otherwise he/she would have been impaled in a sharp stick made of paper imprinted with their marvellous works and then he/she would burn in a huge pyre along with Sandra's swimming suit and Anna's bitchy socks (Hey! I like those socks… Sandra) (Quiet… I already gave you the purple pair last month… Anna) (Stop bitching around… we have a story to present the Author). So don't sue us… pretty please with sugar on top! (Shut up already… geez this must be the worst, biggest and most boring disclaimer EVER! co-writer)

Warning: this is not suited for minors or weak hearts, I repeat, this is NOT suited for minors or weak hearted people! Mary-Sue deaths in a very nasty way ahead! Rating is for cursing like mad women entering in hysterical panic while in labour-work and also for some dark-humour. (MWAHAHAHAHAH! co-writer) (Whatever… read at your own risk the Author) Oh, one more thing... there is some Avril Lavigne bashing also, beware!

So... here it is, at last, we hope you enjoy reading as much as we enjoyed writing it:

**Mary-Sue Bashing**

_A fiction by The Fiends_

**Introduction: The Garcia twins**

It all started in a warm and gentle Wednesday. After a long day at school the Garcia twins, Anna and Sandra, were enjoying the day on it's fullness as if it was their last, laughing, joking, screaming, making a fool of themselves along with their usual friends, the nicknamed 'Whore Stick', Phipa and Nymph, sited relaxing at their regular spot, a stone bench in a small park. The two were celebrating the end of swimming classes for the rest of their lives. Neither knew it would be a day that would stay in their memories forever… and for more reasons than one.

After listening the goofing around her for a while, Anna jumped of her sit and stretched herself with a happy sigh. Looking around, she started to observe her surroundings with more attention than usual, drowning on its beauty, seeing for the very first time every single detail that she wouldn't even bothered to look twice before.

"People… can you imagine how I'm feeling!" she started with a deep voice full of emotion and wonder, eyes shining through the infinite and open arms as if expecting the embrace of good future things. "It's over… it is REALLY over! No more water with piss of the youth…"

"No more floating band-aids…" the wind caressed Sandra's shoulder length brown hair as she looked at the blue sky above with a content expression across her face and continued the trail of thoughts of her sister.

"…nor snot!".

"No more dirty looks from studs with too much testosterone in their middle parts…"

"No more dickhead professors with big asshole attitude…"

"No more cold showers…"

"And most definably…"

"…no more…"

"WAXING!" the girls screamed in union, mirroring grins across their faces, making people walking nearby cast suspicious looks through the group. Anna returned to her previous sitting position.

Nymph started to laugh hysterically at the twins perfect synchronising thoughts and expressions. Although with very distinct personalities, being Sandra the sarcastic and Anna the hysterical angel one, those two knew each other's minds as well as their own making that kind of synchronization very easy for them to show off like that. It was something they performed often but it never got old, not at least for the raven girl between them.

"No more pained body… freedom at last from that shitty class… and I forgot to say goodbye to that _GOD _of ours … that manly-man teacher… that walking yellow vibrator with a pink ribbon on it… to never see that beautiful stinky arse of his again is beyond bliss! Thank you Bahamut!"

"Aye… Bahamut hear my vow! I shall never badmouth those little fellas that grew all over my body for so many years and that I so disrespectfully betrayed by cutting and ripping their big yellow heads over and over with a Gillette or wax, ever EVER again!"

"Amen to that girl… amen to that!"

"Ladies, I'm sure that you wanna keep those smooth legs of yours hairless…" a forced sensual voice was heard near them. Stick, or the Whore as it was called, had a positively pervert look under his huge black styling afro-man haircut and bottle-end glasses while flashing an oh-not-so-sexy smile at the girls, a smile he used for teasing the female population, especially those two girls in from of him that were so easy to tick off.

"I WANT MY FUR BACK YOU WHORE!" Anna screamed, her eyes filled with anger where some moments ago shown happiness and playfulness.

"Honestly Stick… you can be very blunt sometimes… Have you ever tried waxing? Thought so… then SHUT THE HELL UP!" Sandra shouted.

"Ahhhh… anyways… I feel just like singing…" Anna continued switching back to her previous mood. "Sis, how about "_MY Happy Ending" in Garcia_ style?" Sandra eyed evilly her sister and nodded, she knew oh so well what 'Garcia style' meant. "Then it's decided… on one, two, thr…"

"NOOO! Your voices are too _terrible_ for my ears." Stick interrupted abruptly using, with a snobbish touch as usual, the sarcastic tone that Sandra liked to employ on her normal speech.

"Eat shit… weenie!" the sisters said in union.

"Yeah Stick, let the girls have their fun. We had ours last year; today it's their spot-light!" Phipa started defending the twins, laughing at their immature actions when two similar middle fingers were extended in Sticks direction. Being the oldest, she always had a tendency to stand up to the youngsters of the group when they over-reacted at something or got themselves into trouble.

"Like you wanna hear them too… You know damn well how much Banshees those two can be when they set up their minds…"

"Look hot-shot… we know that the accomplishment of your life was to screw Lavigne… but that's just impossible, so stop bothering us because of your sexual frustration and…"

"Scr… SCREW HER! Gosh NO! I would like to screw YOU Sandra and YOUR sister, Nymph too… hey even Phipa if she hadn't that boyfriend of hers! But NOT that supposed punk bit…"

"Oh shit… oh shit! Sis… he said he wanted to screw us… holy shit! I'm gonna have nightmares… THAT corrupted penis said he wanted… he wanted…" Anna went pail and started hyperventilating as she pointed a treble finger at the boys' face, while the information of her friends' intentions started to sink on her conscience.

"Oh great… see what you did! Get your dim-witted dick away from my sister if you don't want it chopped off! _'Oh I'm soooo intelligent… maybe I should try to fulfil my sexual disturbing needs by waving _Little Whore Junior _at the only girls who can still put up with my butt face. Maybe I can seduce them if I show them how brainless I am, how I always think with my dick and try to fuck myself with my tiny finger filling up my arse!'_ " Sandra evilly mimicked the tall boy with sarcasm, flashing an angry look at him. "Well guess what! IT DOESN'T WORK!"

"Please… admit it… you're dying to have a taste of a manly figure like me! You're just playing hard, frigid queen! You and your sister!"

"That's it! You're coming down ugly face! No one and I mean NO ONE, insults my sister in from of me!"

"Brother…not again…" Phipa murmured getting a firm hold at the left arm of a very pissed of Sandra.

Nymph that had remained silent watching the scene before her eyes with a bewildered look on her face, placed a protective arm across the panicked girl beside her and tried to knock some sense at the arguing pair. "Guys… come on… we're here to enjoy the day, not to bite our heads off… Wouldn't be better if we went to a mall and bought some food to jam ourselves 'til our tummies are ready to burst, made some blondie nearby scream with our misbehaviours … you know, do what we're good at instead of freezing our arses in this stone bench while doing nothing at all?"

"Can we buy candy?" Anna asked in a weak voice.

"Yep, a bunch of candy and chocolate are waiting for you, screaming for your attention, our pocket money is the limit!" Nymph reassured.

"Chocolate…?"

"Yes Annie huge piles of chocolate waiting just for y…"

"I'M GOING!"

The rest of the group rolled their eyes and let out sighs of resignation. It amazed them how a seventeen-year-old girl would have such mood-swings just to feed her vice and weakness of chocolate. It was strange and in a way kind of… scary, they all knew that Anna would do anything for them, that her friendship was genuine and very strong, but sometimes she acted as if she would sell her soul and the souls of the people around her just for a peace of chocolate, even Sandra believed that her sister was losing her sanity over the devil's candy as she called it…

"Fine…"Sandra said annoyed. "We go, but this is not over yet. I will hold everything you said against you, Stick! And, in the end, we will see who the freaking ice queen is between us!"

"Don't worry Sandra, I didn't like what I heard either." Anna reassured her sister in a dead serious voice, a voice that made Stick gulp; now he knew in how much deep shit he was… "Not before the day is over, he shall be remembered why no one dares to mess with THE Garcia twins!" them she continued in her smoothest voice, blinking sweetly her eyelashes "Can we go now?"

And so they departed from their little peace of heaven to the nearest mall in a quest for sugar-candy and chocolate.

_to be continued  
_

Authors notes:

Can you see the similarity **between the twins and the vulgar mary-sue**? Both are superficial, they think that the world spins around them, playing the badass role as if they're some hardcore punks from a very bad neighbourhood... The nicknames that the other characters have are to be assumed that where invented by the little creatures from hell!


End file.
